This past year, I’ve done a lot of online research to learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP). Below I will list some of the most obvious traits along with some sources and resources. I will also copy excepts from an article on Narcissistic Supply.
First a disclaimer about my credentials (or lack there of) and how diagnosis is made.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a qualified mental health professional or medical person of any kind. I only took a batch of courses in clinical counselling and I don’t remember Narcissistic Personality Disorder being mentioned; it would have been in Abnormal Psychology, a course I never took. I know a tiny little bit about diagnosing mental illness and/or personality disorder, but not enough to actually do it.
DIAGNOSIS: Formal diagnoses cannot be made online, by the untrained person or psychologist. To make a formal diagnosis, a professional with the proper training must see the person face-to-face, possibly do extensive and in depth testing. It cannot be done online by anyone. It would be completely unethical because there is far too much room for misinterpretation when one cannot see facial expressions and mannerisms, and hear tone of voice–all at the same time and in the context of what is being said and done.
TRAITS: The following character traits appear in everyone to greater or lesser degree, but not exclusively. Also, NDP individuals exist on a spectrum; some have it more extreme than others. This list of traits or symptoms of NDP is not definitive or exhaustive.
- They will do only what makes them look and feel important in their own eyes (meaning in the eyes of people they consider to be important such as bosses or community leaders or other dignitaries).
- They have no empathy, because their emotional development is at the level of a toddler; they cannot feel compassion or sympathy for the needs or feelings of others.
- They are always right (in their own minds) and will never never apologize or admit to being wrong.
- They project their own dark feelings/weaknesses/faults/failures onto those around them (loved ones, co-workers, etc.), and accuse them of their own badness.
- They lie, always in their own interests as described above. For example, if something goes wrong because of their negligence, they will accuse you for being unaware of and blind to important details and somehow make it your fault.
- Occasionally, they seem to be loving and caring, but only in the service of some larger goal such as keeping you on the hook for future narcissistic supply.
NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY: https://narcissisticbehavior.net/narcissism-and-the-addiction-to-narcissistic-supply/
Following are excepts from the article “Narcissism And The Addiction To Narcissistic Supply“:
Narcissistic Supply really refers to those people who provide a constant source of attention, approval, adoration, admiration, etc., for the narcissist. The attention they receive from the “Supply Source” is vital for the survival of the narcissist, without it they would die (either physically or metaphorically), because their weak ego depends on it in order to regulate their unstable self-worth and self-esteem.
[T]he narcissist…has two sources of Narcissistic Supply to draw from; …Primary Narcissistic Supply…[and]…Secondary Narcissistic Supply…(Vaknin). Primary Supply…may come by public means, such as fame or infamy, or by private means, such as admiration or hate. … one is as good as the other to the narcissist. The source of Secondary Narcissistic Supply comes from…spouse, family, friends, colleagues, partners, business etc., all of which give them a feeling of security and pride, and the appearance of leading a well-adjusted life. This form of supply needs to be positive…
With the loss of either the Primary or Secondary Sources of Supplies, the narcissist will experience…dysphoria…. [and] display mood swings, especially rage, and he will feel (and look) out of control. …likely to turn to…excessive shopping, food, drugs, etc.,… and refuses to deal with anybody….he punishes anyone who he thinks is adding to his pain.
For a better understanding, read the entire article. Even better, read Sam Vaknin’s book Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited. Be aware that he is not a mental health professional; read his Warning and Disclaimer.
MORE SOURCES & RESOURCES
Some intriguing stuff on how narcissists are made, how they operate, etc., posted by a person with the handle Little Shaman. Little Shaman is another person who may not have an actual psychology degree. See her Facebook “About” page https://www.facebook.com/pg/littleshamanhealing/about/?ref=page_internal. Also her “Shows–The Little Shaman Healing at http://www.podbean.com/…/yf3vu-3c938/Stream—The-Little-Sh….
For comparison, I will also post videos by clinical psychologist, Abdul Saad of Australia. Saad’s videos may be a little harder to understand but I trust they are scientifically sound.
The Little Shaman
- Blog https://thelittleshamanhealing.wordpress.com/tag/narcissist/
- How Narcissists are Created https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEpZckMLr6E
- Why Are Narcissists Abusive? 4 Reasons Narcissists Abuse Their Loved Ones https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52zR-Pc3x-k TRANSCRIPT/Article at https://hubpages.com/health/Why-Narcissists-Abuse
- Roles of Children in Narcissistic Families http://randigfine.com/roles-of-children-in-narcissistic-families/
- Surviving Workplace Mobbing: Identify the Stages https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-bullying/201303/surviving-workplace-mobbing-identify-the-stages
Most of these articles have links to more information.
Jan. 16 2018 I’m adding to this list my first book on narcissism written by a properly educated and experienced mental health professional, Karyl McBride.
- Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, by Karyl McBride, published by Free Press, New York, 2008.
McBride is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than 28 years of experience. She shares her personal experience as a daughter of a narcissistic mother before, during, and after the recovery program.