Asking Mom re Biological Father

She stops me from seeing my birth certificate any time I ask but I snuck it away and saw who my bio dad is. She hasn’t said anything about him not being my real dad but has said that she didn’t meet him until after I was born. What do I do?

Sarah Bowman
Sarah Bowman, studied family dynamics formally and informally all my life

You don’t tell me how old you are but I suspect you are a minor, under eighteen years old. You do tell me some stuff you could work with.

  1. She told you she did not meet your dad until after you were born. I’m sure she knows that you know that this makes it impossible for him to be your biological father.
  2. She keeps you from checking your biological father’s name on your birth certificate, except that you found out anyway by being sneaky.

Here’s my guess. She does not want you to find out on your own, before you’re ready, that your dad is not your biological father. But she’s only human and is not sure when you’re ready to find out and be told. She knows that it could be pretty scary to find out that the man you had thought all your life was your father is not your father and she does not want to do that to you. She did tell you about not meeting him till after you were born. I think that’s your clue that she will talk about it once you ask.

You can remind her that she told you this, and explain that you know this means he can’t be your biological father, then ask who your biological father really is. I wish you a meaningful heart-to-heart talk, one that leaves you both with a deeper parent-child relationship.


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